Kucinich Abducted by Aliens, Promptly Returned

11.18.2007

Dennis Kucinich might be one the most supremely frightening individuals on Earth, much less among the contendors for the Democratic nomination for the 2008 Presidential election. His policy proposals range from unrealistic to criminally irresponsible, and his gnomish good looks conjure images of a bastard love-child between Vladimir Lenin and Zelda Rubinstein (the chunky medium from Poltergeist).

That being said, you just have to love the guy. First of all, he is a recalcitrant Communist. While his colleagues in the American Left retreat from words like "liberal" and "redistribution," he happily embraces them in his own unique heart-warming, carefree woodland creature kind of way. If you caught any of the debates, his mainstay for reform in almost every arena is "take out the profit motive." Brilliant.

Being a curious type of guy, I often wondered what Representative Kucinich got up to when he wasn't making hats out of tinfoil and worrying about his Lucky Charms. As it turns out, he spends a great deal of time with Shirley McClaine:

For those who were wondering, Rep. Dennis Kucinich confirmed at Tuesday night's debate that yes, he has, in fact, seen an unidentified flying object.

"Shirley MacLaine writes in her new book that you sighted a UFO over her home in Washington state," Russert said, "that you found the encounter extremely moving, that it was a triangular craft, silent and hovering, that you "felt a connection to your heart and heard directions in your mind."

Kucinich said yes, all of that was true.



And he defended it as a solid policy position. More Americans have seen UFO's, Kucinich quipped, than approve of Bush's presidency. He deadpanned that he plans to open campaign offices in Roswell, New Mexico.


Perhaps more than anyone else in the current political arena, I'd love to have a beer with this dude, or since he probably doesn't drink beer (on account of evil, profit driven breweries and their oppressive labor practices) maybe some yerba mate' tea or something, and just get to know how this little man's brain works. I imagine it's like the the Keebler Elves' cookie factory, only there are propaganda posters on the wall and they're all wearing dull, gray uniforms.

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